Many of my friends have been wondering why I have been so quiet online these past few months. It is true that I have not produced much writing or communication for some time. This is due to my life being hijacked by Fibromyalgia.
The past few months have been like a battle ground with constant struggles against pain, fatigue and medication. Short term memory has also been a problem and a little scary too. This combination has had an impact on my writing and communicating.
Writers block has constantly plagued me and staring at a blank page became the norm. I tried everything to get my brain working. I walked, I read, I left the blank page and returned to it again, I slept and, hmm, I think you get the picture here :). In the end I gave up and decided to post a vacant sign in my brain. Sometimes I would get an idea, but by the time I switched on my PC I had forgotten what it was. I know I should have used a notebook and pencil to write ideas down as I thought of them, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. As far as writing goes it has been a very frustrating time. I have come to the conclusion that I am no longer going to worry about it and I will write as and when I am able to. This method seems to be working because I managed to write a full chapter in my long awaited novel. Ha, progress. At least I have learned something here, ‘the more you worry about writers block the more writers block you get’, so the answer for me is not to worry about it and let it happen as and when. A more laid back me I suppose.
Communication is often difficult whether it is online or off. My thought process is very slow and I often get words wrong or I can’t think of a word. This can be embarrassing and sometimes funny too, especially if I come out with something like ‘where is the temote for the relly?’ It’s silly little things but they can turn into big issues when it happens constantly. Fatigue and medication can make me seem as though I am not interested in the conversation that is going on, but in fact I am concentrating to keep up most of the time. It is quite difficult to explain how fatigue plays a big part in how animated you are when you are trying to communicate with others. Some people have remarked that I sound as though I am down or depressed or about ready to cry. This is not always the case as usually I am just extremely tired and trying to deal with it.
Depression does happen and it’s not surprising when you realise the impact that Fibromyalgia has on the body and mind every day. Constant pain, fatigue and the upheaval that takes place can be hard to deal with. This life changing illness is there twenty four hours a day every day. Some days are better than others and there are times when you feel that you are coping very well with the illness and other times when you feel that you cannot take much more. Most people have ambitions and dreams and having a limited lifestyle can be hard to face.
There is no magic answer to dealing with Fibromyalgia, everyone is different and what works for some will not always work for others. There are times when you feel that you can control it, and other times it seems as though nothing you can ever do will get this condition under control.
It has not all been doom and gloom this past few months, but there is no getting away from the fact that Fibromyalgia has hijacked my life and there is nothing I can do about it, except take each day as it comes and face all challenges head on. My life may have been hijacked by this illness but that doesn’t mean I have to sit there and take it! Unless of course I am too tired to deal with it :).
Now you know why I have not been around for a while. Thank you to everyone for the emails of support and concern.
Have a Dood Gay everyone oops I mean Good Day of course 🙂